Author: jack

Spanking for Beginners – My Top 10 Tips

Do you like the idea of spanking or being spanked. Either way it can be a lot of fun! Check out these easy to follow tips and advice to make it as sexy and erotic as possible…

Spanking for beginners can be one of two things:

1. A sexy way to have fun with your lover
2. A painful or embarrassing experiment that you never try again!

Personally, I really enjoy spanking a lady’s ass. Especially if it’s slightly chubby, so it wobbles as I spank it :-). Spanking can be great fun, it feels naughty, sexy and kinky all at the same time. So if you want to add spanking to your repertoire of sexual activities check out my ten top tips:

Who’s doing what? – Decide who wants to spank and who wants to be spanked. OK, this one is pretty damned obvious but still don’t make any assumptions. You never know what sexual desires could be lurking deep within your partner! If you are both beginners, perhaps you should each try both roles and see who prefers doing what?

Get in the mood – Spanking is best done when in the right mood. Sometimes soft, gentle, cuddly sex is right for the moment but on other occasions harder, kinkier, dirtier sex is much more fun. Pick the right time and use fantasy, naughty texts, role plays and whatever else you fancy to help get you in the right frame of mind for giving it a go.

Create a safety word – Some people like to say no when they mean yes during spanking. It’s part of the fun of being dominated, but this can cause obvious problems if you’re not careful. How will the spanker know when to stop if he or she has been told to ignore words like “no” or “please stop”? This is where the safety word comes in. Pick a word that will stand out and immediately tell your lover that you have had enough.

Massage oil – This is a personal favorite of mine. Massaging some sort of oil into a butt before it gets spanked is great fun. It makes the spanks sound and feel better plus in my opinion an oily butt often looks better than one without a shine to it.

Picking the sweet spot – This takes practice and every cheek is different. Start off gently and try to find the fleshiest, curviest bit of the butt to spank. You will know you have found it, as it will feel great when you strike it.

The perfect spank – Again this takes practice and you need to aim for the sweet spot (see above). As you try spanking, some strikes will feel really great, something about the timing of the motion and how your hand meets the ass will be just perfect and both you and your partner will know it’s a good one!

Rhythm – Experiment with varying the rhythm, from slow and steady to sharp and fast. Try various tempos and see what reaction you get from the person you are spanking.

Build the intensity – Start off slowly and gently. As blood starts to flow to the person’s ass their pain threshold will go up slightly. So once you have warmed them up you can go harder and faster without hurting them (too much 😉 ).

From cheek to cheek – Don’t just hit the one spot again and again. Swap from cheek to cheek and work your hand all around the fleshy area. If you just concentrate on one area for too long the pain will very quickly get too much!

Spanking paddles – From the perspective of the spanker they stop your hand from getting sore and allow you to use more power in your spanking. From the perspective of being spanked if you like it hard then your need to make sure you’re being spanked with a paddle!

Interesting spanking fact: Experiencing sensations of pain releases feel good hormones into the body. So by pushing your boundaries and getting a good hard spanking you are likely to have much more intense orgasms.

There you go, some tips about spanking for noobies. We have a whole community of sexy people sharing tips and advice on sex, spanking and fantasies. You can join (for free) here and get involved in the fun…

Have a good one!
Jack
PS – Click here to buy the perfect spanking paddle and browse our huge range of sex toys…

Reading a Woman’s Signals…

Most women communicate a lot with non-verbal signals like body language and eye contact. Once you crack this code you can learn what she really wants and then take her sexy pleasure up to a whole new level…

She’s Telling You What She Wants!

If you are a man reading this you need to learn one very important thing about women.

Women are much better at (and often prefer) non-verbal communication to verbal.

What do I mean by this? Women are very skilled at communicating without speaking. They are much more likely than men to communicate this way and because of this are much better than men at doing so.

Ladies, if you disagree with this just think for a moment. How many times have you sat waiting for a guy to kiss you, thinking you are making it stupidly obvious but he doesn’t make a move? Do you think that same guy would hesitate if you said, “kiss me”? Probably not!

There is a long and complicated evolutionary theory for all this that I might blog about if there is enough interest. (Let me know in the comments section below if you are interested?)… But for the sake of this argument just accept that women communicate using non-verbal signals A LOT.

Another point worth bearing in mind, relates to the point above, women sometimes forget or aren’t aware that men aren’t great at reading their signals. This leads to all sorts of confusion and miscommunication.
Think about this one for a while, it could help you out with the opposite sex in ALL aspects of your life!

What has all this got to do with sex?

Most men have very simple needs, but for women it is different. Women are complicated and have wide a range of sexual needs and desires. They all have different needs. Even the same woman will have different needs depending on what day it is. All this can make it tricky for a man who wants to satisfy one or more women!

To make it even more complicated a lot of women have this ideal fantasy of a man knowing exactly what to do to please her without needing any help or advice? Yes fellas, this is annoying and makes it even harder to learn how to turn a woman on! (You gotta love ’em though…Right? 😉)

So, the secret to learning how to turn your woman on and the secret to being the guy “that just knows what to do” is simple, powerful and very effective:

Get very good at reading her non-verbal signals

  • Watch her body
  • Listen to the noises she makes
  • Keep an eye on her breathing
  • See if her skin is flushed
  • Check to see if her pupils are dilated (wide open)

Important note number one
Not all of these signals are always accurate, especially things like the size of her pupils or if her skin is flushed. BUT if you watch all of these when you are with her you will get the picture of how she is feeling.

As you practice this with one or more women, you will get a sixth sense for it. You will notice and react to any changes in her body and you will be able to use this sense to increase the amount of pleasure you give her.

Important note number two
Don’t act like some crazy scientist studying a creature from outer space! Don’t spend all your time obsessively watching every move she makes! Instead just become aware of the signals she is giving you and use them to change the way you touch her.

As you get good at this, you will be able to read all sorts from her:

  • What she likes
  • What she doesn’t like
  • What speed she likes
  • What pressure she likes

And that’s just the start, the better you get at reading her body, the more you will be able to get out of it. Not only will you be a much better lover but you will also be able to create a deeper emotional bond with the women you sleep with. She will feel more understood, more satisfied and happier with her love life. One thing I’ve learnt over time is that the happier a woman is with her sex life the more sex she wants…!

Ladies – I would love to hear your thoughts and comments below.
Guys – Hit me up with any questions or thoughts.

(All you need to do is post your comments in the box below, it will go live once its approved).

BTW if you haven’t joined our free sexy community – do it now… It rocks and you’ll love it!

Have a good one!
Jack
PS – You might want to check out this post on how to last longer and this one on how to use the deep spot to blow any woman’s mind…

Sexual Behavior

There is a lot of bullshit passed around Western society about sex. It is hypocritical, it is unfair and it causes all sorts of unnecessary negative consequences for all genders and sexual orientations. We all need to speak up more about this to make the world a better place…

Moral Judgement and Immoral Hypocrisy

A common theme of this blog is the judgment by society on an individual’s sexual desires and behaviors. Again and again I see people not enjoying their bodies in the way they would like to, due to fear of being judged by friends, family, partners or even strangers!

The other day Lola and I were chatting about this and she admitted there were some of her fantasies that she would be embarrassed about if some of her friends knew what they were because they were quite extreme in nature.

What struck me was that if such a confident and sexually open lady as Lola was wary of talking about this then how many other women out there had similar fantasies and were too scared of being judged to talk about it honestly and openly with their friends?

What I realized is, this gets right to the core of Secret Erotica and what we are trying to do with our blog, articles and community. We want to strip away as much of this judgment and BS from people’s minds by creating an open space for people to express themselves without fear or judgment. Let me just make this very clear…

We believe if a person gets turned on by the an extreme fantasy, no one in society has the right to judge him or her for that.

We also believe that no one person has the right to judge anyone else for their sexual desires or behavior unless it causes someone else pain or suffering (with the obvious BDSM exceptions).

There are two reasons why, in my opinion, people and society should keep their judgments to themselves over most of the sexual behavior of other people.

Firstly from a moral perspective, no one person’s opinion is more important than anybody else’s and we don’t have the right to judge each other. If we want to live in a society where we are allowed to enjoy our own sex lives without judgment then we have to pay other people the same level of respect! Irrespective of how we feel about whatever they chose to do, we owe them the same privileges that we expect for our selves.

A side note of the legal stuff – Please keep it legal! Behaving within the laws of the country you are in whilst engaging in our community is an important rule of your membership. BUT that doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with those laws. For example some Middle Eastern countries have laws about sex such as no kissing in public, which we find both oppressive and immoral. However, if you live there you must obey the law or suffer the consequences. The one boundary we set very firmly is we will not allow any content regarding adults having sex with children. If we observe anything like this the participants will be reported to the police and then banned from our website.

The second point about judging other peoples sexual desires and behavior is that it is nearly always hypocritical. We all have some weird little fetishes, fantasies or desires that turn us on. I have never met anyone who doesn’t get turned on by something that they wouldn’t want anyone else to know about. Let’s be honest here for a second… Have you ever wondered that the people who shout about this most are the ones with something to hide?

This question brings up something called “Gertrude’s Law” which tells us that the people who shout the loudest are the one’s with the most to hide. It comes from the classic Shakespearean quote:

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

As an example think of this law being observed in action think of a politician who preaches about family values and then gets caught in a brothel with his trousers down!

Again I want to make something very clear here…

Everyone has sexual secrets and things they wish to be kept private and as such they should keep their noses out of other peoples business!

BUT… There are limits. Secret Erotica is an open-minded adult community and as such has to make as many people as possible feel welcome, safe and happy. If your particular sexual preference is on the more extreme end of the scale we will create special groups for you and your friends to enjoy without fear or upsetting anyone. If on the other hand you swim in the more vanilla end of the sexy pool, you will also find groups where you will happily fit in.

For more information on our community rules and guidelines – click here.

As owners of this site, we have to balance freedom of expression, keeping our members within the laws of their country and making it a place where people can have a really fun time without being upset or upsetting anyone else.

This is a difficult process, we don’t expect to always get it right, but we will try very hard to do so. Your questions, comments, suggestions, complaints and support are all very welcome either using the comment box below, by contacting us here, or by starting a conversation within the community.

I’m going to finish this post on a positive note:

Humanity is awesome,
Sex is awesome,
YOU are awesome!

Have a good one!
Jack

Info on feminism and free speech here.

Fantasizing During Sex

A man’s opinions on the controversial topic of fantasizing during sex. Do you do it? Do you mind if your lover does it? Do you talk about it with your partner?

A Mans Perspective

Fantasizing during sex is one of those issues that can cause a bit of friction between lovers if not handled carefully. Especially if the fantasy involves somebody else and not the partner they are with.

From my own perspective, I very rarely do it. I much prefer to focus on the girl I’m sleeping with. The only times I have done it has been in bad relationships where the chemistry hasn’t been right between me and my partner and because I’ve found it hard to reach orgasm due to the negative vibes. Interestingly, I’ve also asked a few of my male friends and none of them do it much either.

One thing I do know is that a lot of women do fantasize during sex. How do I know this? I read a book called “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. The book is a collection of fantasies shared by women anonymously. Reading it blew my mind. I had no idea how crazy women’s fantasies are, or how much they fantasize during sex. I also asked some of my female friends and with varying degrees of honesty/embarrassment they did chuckle and admit that they did.

I’ve got to be honest here. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing to discover! I didn’t find it easy to accept that some of my ex-partners had very probably been fantasizing about other men while having sex with me. I realized that I would need to get over this or it would become an issue. The last thing I wanted was to be worrying about this stuff during sex!

Side note to women here – Ladies, I am not judging you for anything you do. Whatever you want to think about to get horny is fine with me. But from the perspective of your partner you need to be aware this could be a tricky subject.

If you find this hard to appreciate, put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if he was thinking about fucking some sexy bimbo while you were focusing on being intimate with him? Maybe you would be cool with that or maybe you would find it hurtful? Either way it makes sense to approach this with sensitivity and empathy IMO.

Side note to men here – Women tend to need more mental stimulation than men to orgasm. If a woman fantasizes during sex, she is not doing it to hurt her lover, she is doing it to have fun and to help her cum.

The situation – A lot of women fantasize during sex and it can often be about other people. There is the potential for this to cause issues and men could find it scary or hurtful. A lot of women tend to repress these fantasies by keeping them secret so they don’t cause issues with their lovers.

What’s the solution to all this? – In my opinion it lies in two things. Firstly in communicating with each other. If you talk about this and see each other’s point of view it should help ease any tension. Secondly and this is where the fun really begins, share fantasies with your lover. Instead of one (or even both) of you secretly having guilty little fantasies on your own, bring them into your lovemaking. Talk dirty to each other. Tell each other what gets you horny. Make up new fantasies together. Very quickly, something that was a negative in your love life can become a powerful positive.

I hope that was of interest? Lola has blogged on the same subject from a woman’s perspective here…
(Please comment below I would love to know your thoughts on this).

If you want to share your fantasies with like-minded people, you should check out our sexy community here…

Have a good one!
Jack

Secret Erotica and LGBT – A Note of Welcome

LGBT members are always very, very welcome here at Secret Erotica. Please read this post to understand where we are coming from…

Whilst writing the first few blog posts for the website Lola and I realized that there was something missing. I am totally straight and Lola is bi but definitely on the straighter side of bi (if you get my meaning).

What this means is that this blog, the articles in our library and the help and advice we offer is mostly targeted at straight guys and girls (and bi girls). While we don’t feel there is anything wrong with this we do realize it isn’t ideal. We do have a concern that our LGBT friends might not feel as welcome here as they should.

To be honest, it’s not easy for us to address completely. It would for example be ridiculous if I started trying to blog about sex tips for T-Girls etc. If we are to be genuine we can only talk from our own experiences and coming from a place of truth and honesty is very important for both of us.

So, firstly from me and Lola we would just like to say everyone is welcome no matter your gender, ethnicity, sexuality orientation or any other demographic you can think of! It’s very important that whoever you chose to fuck, date or fall in love with, you know you are welcome within this site and community.

Secondly we ask that if there is anything we can do to make you feel more welcome and a valued part of the community please just let us know. If in any way we can help we will do. You can contact us here or via the community here.

Finally we work very hard to keep Secret Erotica a troll free zone. We are intolerant of intolerance, so please let us know if you have any issues and we will resolve them immediately.

Warm welcomes!
Jack
PS – This site might be of interest for keeping up-to-date on LGBT news and current affairs etc.