The problem with men sex and the internet. A letter to our ladies.


I wanted to write directly to you as a female member of our community to address some potential concerns I have with your enjoyment of our site.

Having been online in lots of different websites and communities I have witnessed way too many badly behaved men annoying the female users.

The pattern of behavior usually goes something like this:

  • Sending crappy copy and pasted emails to hundreds of women in the hope someone will bite.
  • Repeatedly sending PM’s to the same woman even though she ignored them or politely declined.
  • Repeatedly sending chat requests to the same or multiple women.
  • Sending totally inappropriate sexual msgs. Yes even on an erotica site. There is a time and a place for filth!
  • Ignoring any polite rejections.
  • Even worse reacting badly to rejections and becoming either way over the top and needy OR aggressive and judgmental to the woman who rejects them.
  • Ladies – If you have anymore just post them in the comments section and I will happily add them to the list!

If you are female and have been on any sort of dating, sex or erotica site I have no doubt that some or all of these will sound familiar to you. If so please read on.

Why do they behave like this?

A lot of this is about not knowing how to spark attraction, how to flirt and how to respect women’s boundaries. I’ve put some tips below for any guys reading this post.

Another major factor is an inability to handle rejection. Lots of people don’t like to hear the word “no”. But in dating its usually the guy who makes the first move and as such it’s the guy who more often than not hears the word no. Even if he is fairly cool with rejection after a while of hearing “no” after “no” he might get frustrated. (Especially if he isn’t very good at flirting or interacting with the women he finds attractive).

Finally some people are just fucking ass-holes that should be put head first in the nearest trash can! 😉

What can you do about it?

If you are a lady and you are getting unwanted attention for guys on Secret Erotica here are some tips to help solve the problem as quickly and as easily as possible:

  • Don’t get into an argument or start being abusive back. It’s not worth the effort!
  • Politely ask him not to contact you.
  • If he ignores your request go to his profile page and block him.
  • Once he is blocked he wont be able to hassle you from the same profile. But if he creates another profile just to harass you please let us know immediately and we will block him at the IP level which will make it almost impossible for him to get back on to the site.
  • If you have any concerns, issues or questions about this please just contact us within the community or by our contact form on this page.

Are you a guy and want to improve your online skills with the ladies?

Here are some quick does and don’ts to help you on your way:

  • Do add an interesting profile with some cool, funny, sexy images.
  • Do join lots of groups and interact in them.
  • Do join in the activity on the main wall.
  • Do check out our premium membership.
  • Do write some hot sexy stories and share them in the community.
  • DON’T bombard anyone with chat requests, comments or PM’s.
  • DON’T create more than one profile to use to chase anyone.
  • DON’T get all needy and whiny if a lady rejects you.
  • DON’T EVER get grumpy, aggressive or judgmental if you get rejected. Our female members have every right to say no, so just grow a pair and deal with it!

Ladies – If you are sick of brain dead men, why not treat yourself to a luxury sex toy and forget about your men troubles…?

Guys – If you have any questions about improving your profile give Lola a shout using the mention tag @lola or by sending her a private msg.

Please feel free to comment below with any questions, comments or other annoying things you might want to add to the list. Maybe you’ve got a funny story to share…?

Have a good one!

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