Category: For The Ladies

Why Don’t Men Listen??? Grrrrrrrr…!!!

Some men just don’t listen and it really annoys me! If a guys wants to know how to really turn me on, all he has to do is listen to what I tell him….IT THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK???

Ladies, is it just me or do some men NEVER listen..???


(Men – You need to read this post because you could be making this mistake!)

Jack and I had a conversation last week and he said something like this…

‘Women don’t help themselves by faking orgasms and they don’t help men by not communicating enough. Women have this unrealistic fantasy that men should automatically know what a woman desires. Even for a skilled, experienced man this can be very difficult. Not only do all women have different physical needs, the same woman can have different needs on different days!’

Jack’s right. Well, I agree with him to a certain extent, we are more complicated than men and our needs can vary from day to day. Faking orgasms is dumb and doesn’t help anybody. In reality most of us girls do have a fantasy of our man knowing instinctively what to do (instead of being told what to do). This can also be a turn off for a lot of women, having to explain what their likes and dislikes are.

But…
This isn’t the whole picture. Some guys in my experience just don’t listen… I can tell some men (usually nice men) until I’m blue in the face that ‘ I like it this way’ or ‘spank me more’ but they just don’t take heed. After repeating myself like a broken record, I have to stop asking because all the repetition is not good for me. They either forget, are not really listening to me or they don’t want to do it.

I end up asking myself ‘Why don’t they want to do it? Am I perverted for wanting this?’

Of course I’m not perverted (well maybe slightly tee-hee 😉 ), we are all entitled to like what we like and should be able to freely express our desires without being made to feel bad (naughty yes!) for what we like.

So, what can be done about this?

Ladies, if your man doesn’t listen when you tell him what to do in the bedroom you have four options:

  • Put up with it.
  • Cheat (not recommended).
  • Leave him (not ideal).
  • Email this blog to him and give him a serious kick up the ass!

If you are a man reading this, you need to honestly ask yourself this question “Am I this guy? Do I listen to my girl and give her what she wants?” or “Do I live in a fake world of denial where I am the best lover she has ever had?” (When in reality the sex you are providing does not reach the level she requires?). If this could be you, then you need to change, you need to start listening and you need to take action before you lose your lady!

If you would like to learn some new skills, get some great ideas for your sex life and share some of your own sexual experiences then join our free community here!

Love
Lola

Internet Dating …

Dating people on the internet can be great fun or it can be a huge nightmare. It all depends on the site, the people on the site and how many lies they telll..!?!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!

Over the years I have spent a lot of time on internet dating sites (both normal and naughty). I have found most men fall into two categories. They either ‘get it’ or ‘don’t get it’ when writing profiles and chatting. The guy’s that get it at the very least have “normal” profiles and send “normal” messages. The ones that don’t “get it” have weak, lame or ridiculous profiles and send rude or badly written messages.

Side note – Sometimes I do chat to the guys that “don’t get it” because they have one shining quality like a cute smile or send me a funny email. But as a general rule the guys that “don’t get it” either get ignored or blocked.

Before we go any further, I don’t want this to be a man hating rant. I love men and I want more of you guys to get it. So if you make any of the mistakes below my hope is that you will change from being one of the guys that “don’t get” it to one of the guys that do “get it” and then you really will “get it”! Pun intended 😉

The men that “get it” who I speak with on the internet are sexy, funny, flirty, respectful and interesting. They don’t push me, get clingy or show signs of jealousy.

The men that “don’t get it” that I speak with are aggressive, sleazy, needy, pushy, manipulative, pathetic, angry idiots. While I’m at it what is it with the cock pics and flashy sports car profile pictures?

To any of you men out there that would like to increase your pulling power on the web, check out my lists below of the most common things I have noticed both good and bad in my time dating on the internet.

The top mistakes men make

  • Lying, lies and liars! Don’t say you’re a non-smoker when you obviously are, or you’re 6ft when you’re really 5”10. Because when women find out the truth all their respect for you is lost.
  • Aggression turns women off. Why do some men think that by trying to bully a woman into a date that they will accept?
  • Being too forward. Women don’t like men telling them how they want to fuck their tight little pussy, ETC. When a.) How do they know the woman even wants this? and b.) How do they know it’s tight and c.) This is not a good starting conversation – so don’t do it! (There is a time and place for this…Learn it!)
  • Not spelling/writing correctly and using too many abbreviations. This is not cool.
  • Not listening. When someone says ‘I am not interested’ then listen. Do not take that as a challenge.
  • Taking rejection personally is just wrong. Move on and get over it. People are entitled to their own opinion.
  • Either one word messages like ‘Hi’ or stupidly long messages to plough through. Both of them bore women.
  • Stalking worries women. Don’t try interacting with someone the minute they come online, it’s freaky.
  • Fake photos, or pictures of cocks, naked bodies, grotty underpants or flash sports cars. Ask yourself… What are you trying to achieve?
  • Obvious copy and pasting does not make a woman feel special.
  • Receiving one email and then presuming the lady will jump straight into bed with you. This rarely happens.
  • Starting live chat before you have even messaged or emailed the poor girl.
  • Stop yourself from making too many ‘you’re beautiful’ comments, declaring your undying love or offering to spend money on a hook up.
  • Treating the lady like she is a real princess does not work either (unless she is a little diva in which case do you really want to date her???).

What catches a woman’s interest?

  • Honesty is always the best policy.
  • Gentle flirting while you get to know someone is exciting.
  • Being funny is always good. Even if she chooses not to date you, she will still like you.
  • Letting conversation flow naturally lets the lady feel at ease, with no pressure on her she is morel likely to feel sexy and attractive.
  • Keeping a woman intrigued keeps her replying to your emails and her wanting to find out more about you.
  • Good writing is sexy, fun and lets the woman you are trying to date see that you have some intelligence.
  • Read the woman’s profile before you interact with her. It gives you a good head start and shows you are genuinely interested.
  • A short, interesting email written just for the lady you are emailing.
  • A clear picture showing your face is the best sort of profile picture.
  • A good profile showing who you are and what you are into.
  • Keep the vibe chilled out and laid back… Have fun.

For some men there is no hope, they should be banned from the internet, confined to wanking and be charged triple by the working girls that have to put up with them. 😉

For the men that are just a bit useless then there is some hope. Learn about women, treat them with the respect that they desire but don’t put them on a pedestal.

Join our community to chat with real women who will help you and advise you as much as possible. Leave your comments below and ladies please tell me what I have missed off the list.

Love
Lola
PS – Here are some good tips to help you stay safe online!

Fantasizing During Sex

A man’s opinions on the controversial topic of fantasizing during sex. Do you do it? Do you mind if your lover does it? Do you talk about it with your partner?

A Mans Perspective

Fantasizing during sex is one of those issues that can cause a bit of friction between lovers if not handled carefully. Especially if the fantasy involves somebody else and not the partner they are with.

From my own perspective, I very rarely do it. I much prefer to focus on the girl I’m sleeping with. The only times I have done it has been in bad relationships where the chemistry hasn’t been right between me and my partner and because I’ve found it hard to reach orgasm due to the negative vibes. Interestingly, I’ve also asked a few of my male friends and none of them do it much either.

One thing I do know is that a lot of women do fantasize during sex. How do I know this? I read a book called “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. The book is a collection of fantasies shared by women anonymously. Reading it blew my mind. I had no idea how crazy women’s fantasies are, or how much they fantasize during sex. I also asked some of my female friends and with varying degrees of honesty/embarrassment they did chuckle and admit that they did.

I’ve got to be honest here. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing to discover! I didn’t find it easy to accept that some of my ex-partners had very probably been fantasizing about other men while having sex with me. I realized that I would need to get over this or it would become an issue. The last thing I wanted was to be worrying about this stuff during sex!

Side note to women here – Ladies, I am not judging you for anything you do. Whatever you want to think about to get horny is fine with me. But from the perspective of your partner you need to be aware this could be a tricky subject.

If you find this hard to appreciate, put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if he was thinking about fucking some sexy bimbo while you were focusing on being intimate with him? Maybe you would be cool with that or maybe you would find it hurtful? Either way it makes sense to approach this with sensitivity and empathy IMO.

Side note to men here – Women tend to need more mental stimulation than men to orgasm. If a woman fantasizes during sex, she is not doing it to hurt her lover, she is doing it to have fun and to help her cum.

The situation – A lot of women fantasize during sex and it can often be about other people. There is the potential for this to cause issues and men could find it scary or hurtful. A lot of women tend to repress these fantasies by keeping them secret so they don’t cause issues with their lovers.

What’s the solution to all this? – In my opinion it lies in two things. Firstly in communicating with each other. If you talk about this and see each other’s point of view it should help ease any tension. Secondly and this is where the fun really begins, share fantasies with your lover. Instead of one (or even both) of you secretly having guilty little fantasies on your own, bring them into your lovemaking. Talk dirty to each other. Tell each other what gets you horny. Make up new fantasies together. Very quickly, something that was a negative in your love life can become a powerful positive.

I hope that was of interest? Lola has blogged on the same subject from a woman’s perspective here…
(Please comment below I would love to know your thoughts on this).

If you want to share your fantasies with like-minded people, you should check out our sexy community here…

Have a good one!
Jack

Women Fantasizing During Sex

(From a Woman’s Perspective)

A lot of women fantasize during sex (whether they admit it or not). It can be as small as her thinking about her partner in a different scenario with him/her involved, to fantasizing about somebody else making love to her. Personally, most of the time I fantasize about the person I’m with but, on some occasions, I do think about other people.

It just happens

Sometimes I can’t help fantasizing about other people. It will be dark or maybe I’m a little drunk and he/she looks different and that’s it I’m off into my fantasy world. Sometimes my fantasy involves other people, other people that I should not be fucking! Sometimes it’s people I don’t like but it’s too late. They pop into my mind I’m already fucking them in my fantasy. I don’t mean it to happen but it just does, I can’t help it happening and my guess is that some men do it while they are fucking me as well.

I am not alone

Lots of women fantasize during sex, some won’t admit it, some don’t even know they are doing it and a small proportion are like me and know just how naughty they are! What men need to realize is we do it and that we probably do it a lot more than they think. A lot of guys feel threatened by this because they don’t understand it. Especially if the fantasy involves other people which it quite often can.

Why do women do this?

Women orgasm with their minds, this is how we cum! We talk to ourselves and run mental movies in our mind’s to help us climax. We have to do this or quite often we might struggle to even reach a climax and you wouldn’t want that would you boys? We often need to fantasize to reach orgasm and the fear that you won’t understand this makes us feel the need to keep it a secret.

We feel that by withholding the truth we are saving ourselves from being judged unnecessarily. We know some men don’t understand the truth and because men cannot see what is happening then it’s easier for us to keep quiet.

What scares men about it?

Men feel that they have lost control because they can’t see what is happening or that their woman is being unfaithful if she fantasizes. I can understand this to a certain extent. If a man is focusing on his lover and she is thinking about another person I appreciate how this could be hurtful. But from her perspective she does not mean to cause him harm she is merely helping him bring her to orgasm. So ladies if you do fantasize about other men while sleeping with your lover you do need to be sensitive about his feelings. Imagine if it was the other way round, you were totally focused on him and he was think about fucking some other girl… How would you feel?

Together it can be better!

Ladies… You might be able to turn this situation around by being honest with your partner. Talk to him about your fantasies, why you have to fantasize and what can be done to involve him. Instead of them being a guilty secret they can be used to increase the fun you have TOGETHER.

Men… You need to accept that most women fantasize during sex and that might be about other people. If you can accept that it’s completely natural then you can share this with her instead of running away from it. Try coming up with a naughty scenario during sex and order her to act it out in her mind (it’s bound to work!)

Find fantasies that you can share together and use this to enhance your sex life. Remember guys that a women’s orgasm starts in her mind not her body. If you can turn her mind on then you will have a great level of control and power over her (in a good way!).

Why not check out our community to find like-minded friends that share your passion for sex and sexy fun?

Love
Lola
PS – Nancy Friday wrote a lot about female fantasies in one of her most famous books “My Secret Garden“.

Secret Erotica and LGBT – A Note of Welcome

LGBT members are always very, very welcome here at Secret Erotica. Please read this post to understand where we are coming from…

Whilst writing the first few blog posts for the website Lola and I realized that there was something missing. I am totally straight and Lola is bi but definitely on the straighter side of bi (if you get my meaning).

What this means is that this blog, the articles in our library and the help and advice we offer is mostly targeted at straight guys and girls (and bi girls). While we don’t feel there is anything wrong with this we do realize it isn’t ideal. We do have a concern that our LGBT friends might not feel as welcome here as they should.

To be honest, it’s not easy for us to address completely. It would for example be ridiculous if I started trying to blog about sex tips for T-Girls etc. If we are to be genuine we can only talk from our own experiences and coming from a place of truth and honesty is very important for both of us.

So, firstly from me and Lola we would just like to say everyone is welcome no matter your gender, ethnicity, sexuality orientation or any other demographic you can think of! It’s very important that whoever you chose to fuck, date or fall in love with, you know you are welcome within this site and community.

Secondly we ask that if there is anything we can do to make you feel more welcome and a valued part of the community please just let us know. If in any way we can help we will do. You can contact us here or via the community here.

Finally we work very hard to keep Secret Erotica a troll free zone. We are intolerant of intolerance, so please let us know if you have any issues and we will resolve them immediately.

Warm welcomes!
Jack
PS – This site might be of interest for keeping up-to-date on LGBT news and current affairs etc.