A Mans Perspective
Fantasizing during sex is one of those issues that can cause a bit of friction between lovers if not handled carefully. Especially if the fantasy involves somebody else and not the partner they are with.
From my own perspective, I very rarely do it. I much prefer to focus on the girl I’m sleeping with. The only times I have done it has been in bad relationships where the chemistry hasn’t been right between me and my partner and because I’ve found it hard to reach orgasm due to the negative vibes. Interestingly, I’ve also asked a few of my male friends and none of them do it much either.
One thing I do know is that a lot of women do fantasize during sex. How do I know this? I read a book called “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. The book is a collection of fantasies shared by women anonymously. Reading it blew my mind. I had no idea how crazy women’s fantasies are, or how much they fantasize during sex. I also asked some of my female friends and with varying degrees of honesty/embarrassment they did chuckle and admit that they did.
I’ve got to be honest here. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing to discover! I didn’t find it easy to accept that some of my ex-partners had very probably been fantasizing about other men while having sex with me. I realized that I would need to get over this or it would become an issue. The last thing I wanted was to be worrying about this stuff during sex!
Side note to women here – Ladies, I am not judging you for anything you do. Whatever you want to think about to get horny is fine with me. But from the perspective of your partner you need to be aware this could be a tricky subject.
If you find this hard to appreciate, put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if he was thinking about fucking some sexy bimbo while you were focusing on being intimate with him? Maybe you would be cool with that or maybe you would find it hurtful? Either way it makes sense to approach this with sensitivity and empathy IMO.
Side note to men here – Women tend to need more mental stimulation than men to orgasm. If a woman fantasizes during sex, she is not doing it to hurt her lover, she is doing it to have fun and to help her cum.
The situation – A lot of women fantasize during sex and it can often be about other people. There is the potential for this to cause issues and men could find it scary or hurtful. A lot of women tend to repress these fantasies by keeping them secret so they don’t cause issues with their lovers.
What’s the solution to all this? – In my opinion it lies in two things. Firstly in communicating with each other. If you talk about this and see each other’s point of view it should help ease any tension. Secondly and this is where the fun really begins, share fantasies with your lover. Instead of one (or even both) of you secretly having guilty little fantasies on your own, bring them into your lovemaking. Talk dirty to each other. Tell each other what gets you horny. Make up new fantasies together. Very quickly, something that was a negative in your love life can become a powerful positive.
I hope that was of interest? Lola has blogged on the same subject from a woman’s perspective here…
(Please comment below I would love to know your thoughts on this).
If you want to share your fantasies with like-minded people, you should check out our sexy community here…
Have a good one!