Women Fantasizing During Sex

(From a Woman’s Perspective)

A lot of women fantasize during sex (whether they admit it or not). It can be as small as her thinking about her partner in a different scenario with him/her involved, to fantasizing about somebody else making love to her. Personally, most of the time I fantasize about the person I’m with but, on some occasions, I do think about other people.

It just happens

Sometimes I can’t help fantasizing about other people. It will be dark or maybe I’m a little drunk and he/she looks different and that’s it I’m off into my fantasy world. Sometimes my fantasy involves other people, other people that I should not be fucking! Sometimes it’s people I don’t like but it’s too late. They pop into my mind I’m already fucking them in my fantasy. I don’t mean it to happen but it just does, I can’t help it happening and my guess is that some men do it while they are fucking me as well.

I am not alone

Lots of women fantasize during sex, some won’t admit it, some don’t even know they are doing it and a small proportion are like me and know just how naughty they are! What men need to realize is we do it and that we probably do it a lot more than they think. A lot of guys feel threatened by this because they don’t understand it. Especially if the fantasy involves other people which it quite often can.

Why do women do this?

Women orgasm with their minds, this is how we cum! We talk to ourselves and run mental movies in our mind’s to help us climax. We have to do this or quite often we might struggle to even reach a climax and you wouldn’t want that would you boys? We often need to fantasize to reach orgasm and the fear that you won’t understand this makes us feel the need to keep it a secret.

We feel that by withholding the truth we are saving ourselves from being judged unnecessarily. We know some men don’t understand the truth and because men cannot see what is happening then it’s easier for us to keep quiet.

What scares men about it?

Men feel that they have lost control because they can’t see what is happening or that their woman is being unfaithful if she fantasizes. I can understand this to a certain extent. If a man is focusing on his lover and she is thinking about another person I appreciate how this could be hurtful. But from her perspective she does not mean to cause him harm she is merely helping him bring her to orgasm. So ladies if you do fantasize about other men while sleeping with your lover you do need to be sensitive about his feelings. Imagine if it was the other way round, you were totally focused on him and he was think about fucking some other girl… How would you feel?

Together it can be better!

Ladies… You might be able to turn this situation around by being honest with your partner. Talk to him about your fantasies, why you have to fantasize and what can be done to involve him. Instead of them being a guilty secret they can be used to increase the fun you have TOGETHER.

Men… You need to accept that most women fantasize during sex and that might be about other people. If you can accept that it’s completely natural then you can share this with her instead of running away from it. Try coming up with a naughty scenario during sex and order her to act it out in her mind (it’s bound to work!)

Find fantasies that you can share together and use this to enhance your sex life. Remember guys that a women’s orgasm starts in her mind not her body. If you can turn her mind on then you will have a great level of control and power over her (in a good way!).

Why not check out our community to find like-minded friends that share your passion for sex and sexy fun?

PS – Nancy Friday wrote a lot about female fantasies in one of her most famous books “My Secret Garden“.

Secret Erotica and LGBT – A Note of Welcome

LGBT members are always very, very welcome here at Secret Erotica. Please read this post to understand where we are coming from…

Whilst writing the first few blog posts for the website Lola and I realized that there was something missing. I am totally straight and Lola is bi but definitely on the straighter side of bi (if you get my meaning).

What this means is that this blog, the articles in our library and the help and advice we offer is mostly targeted at straight guys and girls (and bi girls). While we don’t feel there is anything wrong with this we do realize it isn’t ideal. We do have a concern that our LGBT friends might not feel as welcome here as they should.

To be honest, it’s not easy for us to address completely. It would for example be ridiculous if I started trying to blog about sex tips for T-Girls etc. If we are to be genuine we can only talk from our own experiences and coming from a place of truth and honesty is very important for both of us.

So, firstly from me and Lola we would just like to say everyone is welcome no matter your gender, ethnicity, sexuality orientation or any other demographic you can think of! It’s very important that whoever you chose to fuck, date or fall in love with, you know you are welcome within this site and community.

Secondly we ask that if there is anything we can do to make you feel more welcome and a valued part of the community please just let us know. If in any way we can help we will do. You can contact us here or via the community here.

Finally we work very hard to keep Secret Erotica a troll free zone. We are intolerant of intolerance, so please let us know if you have any issues and we will resolve them immediately.

Warm welcomes!
PS – This site might be of interest for keeping up-to-date on LGBT news and current affairs etc.

How Taking a Leak Can Improve Your Sex Life!?!? (Tip for the men)

Simple, easy to follow tips to improve a man’s sex life. And yes it does have everything to do with taking a leak…

Yes, you heard me right. Taking a leak can improve your sex life. No this isn’t a joke and no it isn’t some dumb internet scam to try and get you to spend money. It’s just a simple technique to help you to…

Improve your ejaculation control (You get to choose when you cum!)
Increase the intensity of your orgasms.
Give you the capability to have multiple orgasms!

Yes you read that right, it’s little known fact that men can have multiple orgasms. So what the hell am I talking about?

How to do it:

EVERY TIME you take a leak stop mid flow 5-10 times, pause for a second or two before carrying on. It’s that simple. Just stop and start your flow as many times as possible.


This strengthens your pelvic floor muscles (also known as PC or kegel muscles). These muscles (the same ones that lift your balls up and down) and their strength dictate how intense your orgasms are, how much control you have over ejaculation and can also help you have multiple orgasms!

Ejaculation control:

The stronger your PC muscles are the longer you can last during intercourse. As your PC muscles improve you will have much, much more control over when you cum.

Increase the intensity of your orgasms:

I have no ideas why this is, but I know its true from my own experience. As your muscles get stronger your orgasms increase in intensity. You should start to notice a difference within a few weeks of starting this exercise.

Male multiple orgasms:

This is more complicated and needs it’s own blog post to explain it fully. But if your PC muscles are well trained it is possible to use them to stop ejaculation during orgasm. This means you can have a dry orgasm without losing your erection. This of course means you can carry on and have multiple orgasms in a similar way to a woman.

Give it a go:

Try it out for a few weeks and you will notice a difference. Like I said before just stop mid flow as many times as possible, every time you take a leak.
I will post a longer blog post on kegel exercises, ejaculation control and multiple orgasms soon but for now just practice this one tip and you will be amazed!


(Please note I am not a Doctor! If you have any serious concerns around your health please consult a professional health worker).

Feel free to comment or ask any questions using the form below. If you haven’t already you really need to join our sexy online community now! The members are awesome; it’s rammed with sexy stories, advice, chat and lots of very horny people.

Have a good one!

10 Things Guys Do During Sex That I Love

Some guys just get it. They seem to be able to read my mind and give me everything I need. Check out this list of the fave things that men do in during sex…

This article is going to celebrate some of the awesome things men do that I love. Guys if you don’t do these then you should think about starting. Girls if your man doesn’t do any of these and you want him too then send him a link to this post or chop him up into small pieces and feed him to stray dogs. 😉

Once I started this blog, I couldn’t stop. It was supposed to be only ten points long but I couldn’t decide which ones to drop, so I listed all thirteen:

1 – Play/stroke other parts of my body. I am a very sensual woman. It makes my day when men massage my feet or even stroke my arms. It really gets me turned on and ready to go.

2 – Baths and showers. Washing each other and spending time looking and admiring each others bodies is a real turn on for me.

3 –A man who has done his research. When a man has done his research and knows all the secrets spots on my body and is eager to find them! I love this, it really turns me on and it means I am already half way there to orgasmic bliss.

4 – Takes care of contraception. I know this may sound ridiculous to some but knowing that he is thinking about his future and will only play safe shows me he is grown up. This makes him extremely desirable to me. I like men not boys!

5 –Different positions. I love all sexual positions and love to have at least three or four of them in a session.

6 – Spontaneity. Of any sort, from being taken behind while I wash the pots, to being rudely awakened in the middle of the night. This makes me feel irresistible.

7 –Using toys, props and food. It spices things up and helps make sex last longer.

8 – Biting, hair pulling and spanking. These are my some of the absolute favorite things men do to me. A little pain when I am turned on makes my orgasms so much more intense.

9 – Role-play. You cannot beat it! When my man walks home from work and tells me I have been a naughty girl for not “cleaning the house properly” or he tells me I am going to be his dirty little sex slave I am instantly horny!

10 – Dirty talk. Telling me how good I ride his cock or how tight my pussy is drives me wild. Men will reap the benefits from getting very good at this this one.

11 – Rimming. Trust me this feels fucking amazing.

12 – Not being afraid of the taste of his own cum. When I have given a man a mind blowing orgasm and I have swallowed his semen. Then I come back up to relax in his arms and I give him a kiss and instead of shying away he kisses me passionately. Fuck… I can fall instantly in love from this one.

13 – Not falling straight too sleep. I can’t switch off the same as men. I am usually so wired after sex that I need a good ten minutes to come back down to earth and hearing men snore while I do this hurts. Lovers that cradle me in their arms and talk sweet nothings to me are the keepers.

Come on ladies join in and tell the men just what gets us going. Men what do you think of my list? If you haven’t read it already check out my previous blog post on ten things I hate about men during sex. It’s me having a rant on terrible things men do that turn me off during sex (but don’t worry I offer solutions so it’s not all negative).

PS – Jack has written two great blog posts sharing great tips on how to last longer and how to make a woman cum using the deep spot.

10 Things Guys Do During Sex That I Hate!

Ok, I admit this is me having a huge rant about the annoying things men do in bed..! Ladies check it out and join in the rant. Guys its time to learn what NOT to do…

Let’s get this straight I am not a man hater! I love men BUT sometimes they do things that drive me insane. There are lots of good things that guys do to me in bed, in fact there are a lot before they get me into bed (giggle 😉 ) but that’s another blog post. This blog post is just me letting off some steam. I am having a rant for myself and all the women out there because I’m so tired of men that are terrible in bed.

Just so you guys don’t think I am a complete bitch I am going to give you some advice so if you want to change any of these problems you can do (you will be a better sex partner for doing so). Also my partner in crime Jack is going to write a similar blog post aimed at women and what turns him off (equal rights lol 😉 ) Ok here goes…

1 – Cleanliness. You expect us to be clean, hairless and manicured yet can’t even be bothered to wash your own armpits properly! Sort it out…Be clean, smell nice and tidy up your pubes. It’s only fair!

2 – Not enough foreplay. You get turned on like a light switch (in a split second). We on the other hand are more like a dimmer switch…We like to be turned on slowly and gradually. Take your time guys. Unless we are gagging for some rough action take it slow. Build us up. Tantalize us for a while… Go on I dare you.

3 – Not keeping rhythm. This one is fairly simple to explain again but takes practice in the real world. Women like in both foreplay and sex in a steady rhythm. We do not like sporadic jerky actions. We do like the rhythm and tempo to increase as long as the rhythm stays steady. You will be able to tell this from our body language and the noises that we make.

4 – No confidence. Sleeping with a strong confident man allows me to be at my sexiest. Even if you don’t feel confident, just pretend and it will come with experience (AKA fake it til you make it). I understand that some of you guys might not feel very confident and might not have all the skills you need to start taking control in the bedroom. But you have to start somewhere and the longer you let it carry on like this then the harder it becomes. Take a big breath, relax and take control of the situation, it will be fine.

5 – Be more vocal. I want a man that knows how to enjoy himself. If a man does not talk or make any noise during sex I worry he is not enjoying himself. If he shows me how much fun he is having I stop worrying and start having even more fun.Talking naughty is music to my ears. Making some noise and expressing how much pleasure you are having when you cum blows my mind. Try it.

6 – Not listening. THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST ANNOYING OF ALL!!! If I tell you to spank my bottom then spank it and take that bit of information and store it so I do not have to repeat myself. I do not want to be telling you every time I want my hair pulled as frankly it turn’s me off. The only thing I can do here is tell you. If you don’t listen to your girl and you keep making the same dumb mistakes that turn her off the chances are she will cheat on you, dump you, or both. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!!

7 – Fucking me like you are trying to drill a hole in a reinforced concrete wall. THIS IS NOT SEXY. Quite a lot of the time I like to be fucked hard but what I do not like is passionless, repetitive, high speed thrusting. Learn about when the time is right. Here is a tip… it rarely is!

8 –Ramming fingers up my butt without warning. I want to make it clear that I love bum sex BUT it has to be right. Put it like this how would you like it if during sex or foreplay a girl shoved there finger or a dildo up your arse with no warning. Some ladies might enjoy this but I don’t, there is a time and place for shoving things up my bottom. I don’t like surprises and I need lots of lube.

9 – Premature ejaculation. It is not nice guys, we want to cum too. For a short fix I suggest condoms with a climax control lubricant in and for the long run do lots of kegel exercises. Also make sure your licking and fingering skills are up to scratch until you get this handled. (Check out this awesome blog post by Jack for some great advice on delaying ejaculation)

10 – (Last but certainly not least) Putting me on a pedestal and treating me like a princess. Of course I want you to find me attractive and yeah I like it when you make me feel sexy but please do not devalue yourself in the process. Don’t be over the top with compliments. Don’t treat me like a princess who has never seen cock before. Do treat me like your special horny bitch. I am not your mother or your sister and I am certainly not a nun.

Rant over! My next blog will be ten things I love about men during sex.

Guys I hope you will take heed. I am sure some of you will want to leave me a comment and you are more than welcome too. If you want to learn an easy, fast, effective way to take any woman to sexual ecstasy read this blog post.

Ladies if you want to add your comments then please go ahead, the more tips we give these men the better it is for us.

PS – If you aren’t a member of our sexy community why not? Its free and great fun – sign up now!
PPS – As promised here is Jack’s post where he has a rant about all the annoying things women do in bed…